The letdown

Exactly 4 months from today's date we will be getting married. 4 months is not a long time. We have succeeded in getting many of the wedding projects completed and are currently working on some craft projects which will be completed soon. I feel like I have accomplished a lot in the 8 months we have been planning our wedding.

We've accomplished a lot, however, there is one area that I have not accomplished my goals in. Not even close.

I would love my body to look like this for the wedding and honeymoon.....

I realize if I worked out everyday for 8hrs a day for the next 4 months, I might accomplish that. BUT, who has 8 hrs a day to work out? Not me. Not when I'm working 9hr days. *sigh*

My confession: I have never been skinny or thin. Ever. Well, maybe once, when I was a baby, but not since then.

I was at my "personal thinnest" right before the Man and I began dating. I know the weight I was at isn't considered "skinny" for my height, but having struggled with weight my whole life I couldn't remember a time when I was that thin before, and quite frankly I was feeling great. I was eating right, not drinking alcohol, working out a lot and *it* showed. Not only did it show, but I felt strong and healthy.

I'll admit it, I have gained quite a bit of weight since the man and I started dating 3 years ago. I'm lucky he's in love with me, and not my size. Going out to dinner on dates, eating red meat more often(the man's fave), drinking on the weekends with him, not working out as much and the eventual not working out at all- had a toll on my body and all added up to a chubby girl once again. In the midst of everything I also switched careers and my new job was a more passive one- one where I sit at a desk all day long- not something I was used to.

It happened gradually, and I really didn't realize it at first. I was happy and it had been a long time since I had been happy. It started as a couple pounds here and a couple pounds there. Since I no longer worked out in my free time, not only had I gained weight, but all the muscle I once had from working out, was now gone as well. And then one day, I realized those couple pounds here and there had all added up. Actually, it didn't happen like that. It wasn't a magical moment where I just realized that I'd put on some weight. I had seen a recent picture of myself from a friend's birthday party and then I saw a not-so-recent picture of myself from several years ago, and it made me realize how much I had gained. The camera doesn't lie.

I hated how I was looking and feeling (tired, sluggish, unmotivated). I decided it was time to lose the weight I had gained over the last three years.

I began my weight loss journey last January.

I decided we needed to start eating healthier which meant less red meat. Even though the Man complains about leaner meats, I think it is important to our health for us to eat more lean meats than red meats. I also introduced the Man to ground turkey instead of ground beef. He actually likes it! I stopped drinking beer on the weekends with the Man which wasn't hard because I don't really like beer. We got one of these:

and I began working out. Every day. At first I didn't see a huge difference in weight being lost, but I was losing inches. Although I knew I was losing inches, it was always nicer when the number on the scale dropped. The weight wasn't dropping very fast (which is good because you aren't supposed to drop it fast), but I was getting quite discouraged. I began working out longer and harder and that is when I saw the difference. I began dropping weight faster, well, faster than I was.

I ended up losing 15lbs between January and June. Not a HUGE feat, but 15lbs none the less. Then I hit the dreaded plateau. I was stuck at that plateau for a LONG time. I got annoyed because I just couldn't seem to get over the plateau.

Summer had come and we were out on the lake all the time, and not eating as healthy as we were/I was. Cookouts, lots of pasta salads and carbs, and lots of red meat and parties with our friends. I managed to maintain my loss for the rest of the year, although I didn't lose anymore. Maintaining is just as hard for me, if not harder, than losing, So I was quite proud of that.

This year my focus isn't on just LOSING weight but on becoming a healthier person. It's more of a lifestyle change for me now. I know my vises and I'm trying to eat those in moderation or not at all. My problem isn't so much in snacking as it is in portion control and carbohydrates and especially portion control with carbohydrates. I bought a food scale so I could portion out my food, and I know EXACTLY how many calories I'm eating

Since I can't do it on my own, about halfway through last month I began tracking my food on Livestrong , previously known as the daily plate. I believe that it helps keep me honest about what I'm eating, and it also helps me realize when I'm eating too much. When I don't count calories it's like a free for all.

I also quit drinking diet soda. I weaned myself off it slowly. It had been a main portion of my liquid consumption everyday. I cut myself back to 1 a day which was hard to do, and then eventually about 3 weeks ago, I cut the diet pepsi out of my life too. I still like it. Nothing beats a cold diet pepsi in a can on a hot day, but I'm trying to make water beat it. I've began drinking a lot more water during the day and at night I have a Diet Arizona Green Tea (which is so good The Man drinks it on me and he's not an iced tea kinda guy).
I also have to bring working out back into my life. It's hard for me to get motivated to work out, but once I do and I get in the zone, it's hard for me to NOT work out every day. I began adding the work outs into my routine again in the beginning of March. I began walking during my half hour lunch break and can get 2 miles in if I push myself, and I was trying to work out on the elliptical at night. My toe problem had me out of commission for a few weeks so now it's time to really step it up a notch.

I, of course, like every bride, want to look great on my wedding day and I have truly ment to lose weight along the way. It didn't happen. I was carelessly putting it off until the next month, over and over again... telling myself I have "plenty of time" to drop some pounds and tone my arms. As the wedding draws closer and closer I get more nervous about not fitting into my dress.

You see, I got my dress back in October. It came in in early February. I tried it on, it fit, but was snug. Really snug. I told myself I would lose at least 10lbs before the wedding and it would fit perfectly.

I have not lost 10lbs since February. I have gained 7lbs since January. 7lbs since I gave up my nicotine addiction for good.

I know quitting smoking was something that will benefit me in the long run, but I can't help but get annoyed at the weight gain that occurred since then. I have not eaten any more than I used to. I am not consuming more calories per day than I used to, it just is what it is. And it is not making me happy in the least bit. Sometimes I feel like it's a never-ending battle of the bulge and the bulge is winning.

I know I am not going to meet my weight loss goals that I had wanted to meet. But I DO still have 4 months to change a little. I originally had wanted to lose 30lbs before the wedding- over the course of the year.... and obviously that didn't happen. It took me 5 months last year to lose 15 lbs, and I only have 4 months left to go so now I struggle with the added pressure of losing at least the 7lbs I gained and hopefully a few more so my dress can fit a little looser.

Anyone else realizing maybe they aren't going to meet their fitness goals before the wedding? Did you revise your plan so it is a little more attainable?