Planning a wedding takes a lot of time, thought, DIY, compromise and money. Naturally one may become stressed from all the decision making, emotions, questions and parties that one has to attend. Parties don't sound stressful, but they certainly can be when you are the center of attention and it's something you have never liked to be, however, I digress. This is not a post about how stressed I was feeling, remember- I was feeling calm. This is not a post about the bride and how stressful wedding planning was for me.
This is a post about how sometimes you forget just how stressful a wedding can be for other people. I wasn't sure if I was going to write about this issue, but despite how I'm feeling about putting it all out there, I think it is important for others to know that weddings aren't all rainbows and butterflies.
I was feeling really great right before our wedding. I had a whole YEAR (a little over a year) to plan the wedding. My groom made it pretty clear from his lack of involvement that he was happy to let me do whatever I wanted for the wedding. I didn't mind at first, and I tried to get him involved, but I lost him at colors. After that, most of the decisions that were made were mine. I would ask him what he thought, and would always get "whatever you want." And so it was a lot of what I wanted, the Man just didn't care and I got it. The wedding, specifically how the wedding looked, was not his thing. But it was mine. I planed my little heart out, I planned lots of DIY projects, I scoured the internet for hours everyday for something, anything, wedding related. I became a little obsessed, but in a good way not a bridezilla way.
Along the way, I had some mini-freak outs. Like the time when I couldn't sleep for weeks because of anxiety I was feeling and sat up half the night worrying if marriage was the right choice for me, If I wanted to be a wife, be tied down, start a family and play that role. The point is, I recognized that although I loved the Man and couldn't wait to marry him, I was scared. Not once did I doubt my love for him or the fact that I wanted to spend my life with him, but I was nervous. Really nervous. And then I realized that I was being silly. I was happy, I loved the man, I wanted to spend my life with him, and nothing was really going to change between us. We would still be us. I would still be me, but we would be married, we would have a silly piece of paper to say we were husband and wife, but that didn't mean we were going to change, it didn't mean we were going to be boring, it didn't mean we were going to be that couple, because we were still going to be us, only better.
I had planning the wedding to help me sort through these feelings. They came at different times during the planning process and I was overwhelmed but glad I had projects to work on to keep me busy and also to make me realize this was happening, we were getting married and I was so grateful to have found the one.
What I didn't realize was that the Man, who never shows his emotions like I do, was having some emotional stress himself. The Man lives his life spontaneously most of the time. He doesn't plan ahead-ever. So when he asked me to marry him, although he wanted to marry me, he didn't really picture it happening then. It wasn't something he needed to think about until closer to the date. The Man wasn't involved in the wedding planning (by choice)and because of that and the way he is he didn't have time to get used to the idea that the wedding was creeping up slowly, but creeping nonetheless. And I didn't realize behind his stubborn "Manly" exterior he was probably having some emotions flow through him as much as I was. On top of the normal emotions that occur when you are about to get married, the Man had his co-workers causing more problems for him.
I should point out that the Man works as an electrical lineman-meaning he creates power lines and works on power lines. His job is highly stressful, very dangerous, and sometimes requires the man to work away from home. A lot of the linemen that he works with are (bitterly) divorced because their wives cheated on them, left them for someone else because they weren't around, or the lack of being around caused the split and the wife usually took them for all they were worth in the split. These men are not pro-marriage, they are the opposite, they will tell you "not to do it" and that "marriage ruins everything" and that "marriage changes everything" and then they will tell you the horror story that is their life. I didn't realize it at the time, but they were there with the Man all week, telling him not to get married, and giving him their unwanted advice.
The man took it all in, and then he broke.
Up next, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.
How did your man deal with the emotions involved with having a wedding?
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